im drinking this country out of the recession.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
