Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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