I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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