that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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