I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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