best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
