ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
