ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
