just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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