you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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