I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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