Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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