oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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