My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
