Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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