I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
