I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
