My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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