I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
