Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
foreskin is a definite game changer
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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