Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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