Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
