his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who died my cat blue again?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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