I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
