quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
