So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
