If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
