you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
