So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
