What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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