He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
