so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
