her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
