Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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