After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize