if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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