and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
