So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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