I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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