I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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