he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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