Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
