I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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