He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
