She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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