They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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