My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
