ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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