this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
