i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I believe in your delicious
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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