if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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