well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
