How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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