She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
