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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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