By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
