if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
