CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
