Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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