he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize