Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
