You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
