When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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