i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
