I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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