Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
