He had one of those small greek statue penises
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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