I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
