I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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