mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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