My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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