I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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