I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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