Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
