i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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