he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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