You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
