They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
