I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
