Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
