So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
