She is in my trunk
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she woke up with a sticky ear
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize