After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
