just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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