Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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