I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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