you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
