Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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