That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
soo... how was my night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
