What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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