billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize