so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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