At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
