i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
is it fun? or sober?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
