I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize