the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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