I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
