if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
did i just pee glitter
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
