There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Watching her eat just hurts me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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