Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
