You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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