There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
