That's intense
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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